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(Source: to-ssers)

Letter to you

This is my letter to you. The letter where i begin to write down everything I ever want to say to you in the last few weeks. To start I can never hate you. How can anyone hate that smile or that face.. or that laugh. How can I? I had it for 7 years.. how can i hate it. I may not be able to look at that face again because it makes my stomach turn and maybe i percieve you different now. You are the monster that I never wanted you to turn into but thats okay. Were all monsters in some way, arent we? Im your monster, you percieve me different now. I told you my darkest dirty secrets, and I said it so cold. So cold that you could never imagine your sweet little girl, is not so sweet anymore. And im sorry for that.. I really am because I never wanted to be your monster. I never wanted you to be my monster. The saddest thing for me is i feel no emotion to what has happened to us, and im really sorry for that. I am so fucking sorry. I am so sorry because you use to be absolutely everything to me, you were my person. You were my person. but I wasnt your person. I am sorry we never trusted each other because I really thought we were beautiful. I really hope it wasnt all fake to you. I hope you loved me as much as I loved you. And I hope all the times you fucked some or flirted or kissed another that you were just distracting the hurt and distrust we had. The insecurties we brought each other. I hope I was enough. Was I enough? why wasnt I enough. I really will resent you forever for leaving me again in dust. I know i left you but I mean you always left things unsaid, you never could answer my questions or wonders about us. And I just can’t believe you didnt have enough respect for our relationship to explain yourself. But who knows… i mean who knows. I tried to explain my love for other and hole he filled that you could not. Every time he touches me or kisses me or is so polite…. you are the only thing that crosses my mind. And its not sad because I lost what it feels like to love you. I mean your my monster now, how can i miss a monster? I took some drugs the other day and all of our childhood memories started crossing my mind. Us sneaking on your roof to smoke pot, or that night we stole wine and drank wine chasing ice tea and just laughing… what were we 15? I even thought about so much weird stuff… like singing boys to men in your car, or me kissing your chest where you planted my lips permnant.God all those awkward times we wanted to be together but always broke each others hearts. Remember summer.. remember our baby? I do. Now that name has to be put to rest, because i cant ever give another man our babies name. You have changed alot over the years.. you have really for the worst. And its ashame because I really thought so beautiful of you. I wish you were mature enough to appreciate our love… i mean how could you say to me on the phone that you dont know if you loved me? really? thats crazy because its still beautiful to me. I do resent staying with you the last year… you took alot from me that this other person could of gave me. You made me leave college, the beach, jobs, anything because you made empty promises. But your a selfish lover and i now i get it. I do regret alot of you and hopefully with time Ill start to not feel that but I wish you understand im not evil. I never had attentions to hurt you, it was all hurt that was deeo in me. And now i cant picture your face… and all i want is his face in my life. He makes so much more sense in my life than you ever did. And im sorry for that. Are you sorry for anything? or was I just a joke… was I just a joke? I hope you explained to our god child or your family or our dog that i may be your monster but iI loved all of them so very much. And I wish alot of bad things on you becuase you ended up doing some hurtful shit but I just dont want you to ever forget how much we loved eachother. And we are so much better and healthier without each other. We have free hearts that are not meant to be tamed… we cant be tamed. Im surprised we tried for so long, its honestly completely insane how long we lasted? I think thats quite an accomplishment. I really am starting to get over you.. its kinda hurts sometimes.. and then its kinda awesome that were not together. I finally feel like myself again.. but just please remember our love okay. I am the person I am today because of you maybe for good or bad but I didnt choose this lifestyle for myself. So I will embrace whatever you gave me and work with it. You can never do this for me, give me a goodbye or explain yourself. but remember me okay, and not for the bad. alright? just remember how little toxic love.. i mean it happened for a reason right? And im sorry that i wont be the girl that walks down that isle with you one day… I really thought it was going to be. Just make sure you explain yourself to her and give her what you gave me and more. Remember to tell her your feelings more, call her more okay? dont make her wonder… and dont fucking flirt with other girls okay we all know your hot but grow up and never stop telling her you love. And let her die her hair the way she wants and wear what she wants… and if she doesnt want tatttoos dont pull her apart.Just love her for her… and take her out to eat.. we all love to get taken out. And randomly give her flowers.. she will like it okay. Just love her the way you couldnt loev me. Ill fucking hate and love you for the rest of my life but do something with yours okay…. make me look like a fool.
Love/hate you

"In the strangest way, the day i decided to walk out of your life… was the day i found myself again."


darlin all i ask is you love me to the last
times like these well they dont pass so easily
how i loved you suddenly it just totally scared me
that dont mean i dont take you seriously
and i love you terribly it’s just ridiculous
all im sayin is i want you so bad
i wanna love you like mad i wanna be your lover
why dont you just think about it?

but i can hardly express how i feel cause words arent why love is real

i was feelin one way now im feelin another
is there supposed to be one thing to latch onto?


n im sorry for these lines
n im sorry for my crimes
n im sorry for the oceans i sails all the times
if i ever gave you somethin it prolly was the notion
i never gave you nothin but a very hard time

"lets get somethin straight
cause i really do hate
this feelin that’s growin
to think yre not knowin
wherever i may run
even if it’s dumb
i love only u
u are the only one"

"it’s funny what u miss, it’s funny what u don’t
ive thought it all through, the potential to fondly reminisce is this:
i wont"

"and what would she think to look up from her drink and find you
in your sad little vest tryin hard to undress the girls you sat down next to
shell think nothing– she’ll be thinking of u"